He brings it all home

Talk about it

I’m running out of space.

Husband Gary plays numerous golf tournaments every year. To his credit, he also serves as a member of organizations that raise money for charity, such as the 916 Education Foundation and numerous other dinners with charity themes.

When you play in a charity golf tournament, special “parting gifts” are given with the organization’s logo on them so you don’t forget them the rest of the year and the rest of your life in some instances.

The Spooner household has a quite good selection of water bottles with lids attached to them with “idiot” bands. They serve the same function as attaching children’s mittens to their jackets.

In various cupboards and storage spaces in our home, there are insulated coffee containers. They tumble out when I am looking for something behind them.

Unlike the people who thoughtfully attach the lids with idiot bands, insulated cups are a bear to store because the lids escape at every opportunity and hide in another part of the cupboard.

There are other items that creep their way into cupboards in our laundry room including small plastic bags of tees and golf bag towels — piles of them.

Our refrigerator is decorated with magnets, 80 percent of which are from charitable organizations. There are so many that there is no room for ones that give useful information such as numbers for our favorite takeout places or emergency phone numbers.

I don’t have to buy pens. Our kitchen junk drawer is filled with them.

Tote bags? We got ‘em. Some are insulated and most have dual straps for over the shoulder and carrying.

But Gary’s favorite events to benefit the community are “silent auctions.”

I never know what he’ll come home with next.

We have 20 rolls of electrical tape, not black, but gold.

Most gift boxes shore up our insulated cup collection, but this past week, Gary must have decided he was becoming too predictable.

He brought home a gift set donated by an electrical company.

“What’s in there?” I asked, “monogrammed extension cords?”

It so happened that I was putting together a shower gift of household items for our grandniece, Katie. Batteries, energy-saving light bulbs, logo-covered insulated pop can covers, and a “public-safety-orange” baseball cap found their way into one of her gift bags.

She has a great sense of humor.

The topper, however, was, are you ready? A 25-pound Pearson’s Salted Nut Roll. Not a box of candy bars, but one big bar.

“Drop that puppy on someone’s foot and they’re a goner,” I said.

I looked at the nutrition information. A one-and-a-half ounce serving has 200 calories, 80 of them from fat. There are 267 servings in the gigantic bar.

He took the big bar to the Bulletin License Center. Stop by if you have a yearning for free nougat and nuts.

“I’m waiting for it to be eaten,” Gary said. “There’s a slug load of nuts in the bottom of the box.”

What will the next silent auction item be? Stay tuned.

Judy Spooner can be reached at editor@swcbulletin.com.

Tags: opinion, judy_spooner