Judy Spooner: An inside look at the White House tour

Talk about it

President-elect Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle, were invited to tour the White House last week. Most of us can imagine what President Bush and Obama talked about, but, outside of the obligatory photo of Michelle and the First Lady that shows them chatting, I wondered what was said during Michelle’s tour.

I have no direct information but I have a good imagination. The tour might have gone like this:

While the First Lady answered a phone call from her newlywed daughter about how to make tuna casserole, Michelle was introduced to Maggie, the elderly White House head housekeeper who continued the tour.

“I prefer that you call me Miss Maggie and I will call you Miss Michelle, if that’s all right with you,” Maggie said.

“Of course,” said Michelle.

“Don’t lean too hard on that banister,” Maggie cautioned. “It’s a little shaky but Frank will get around to it.”

“Frank?” said Michelle quizzically.

“Frank, get in here to meet one of the new people,” Maggie yelled toward an adjacent room.

An elderly man entered the room and walked toward Michelle. “You’re a very pretty lady,” Frank said.

“You’re not supposed to talk to a First Lady in that manner,” Maggie said.

“Makes no never mind to me,” he said, shuffling out of the room. “I see ‘em come and I see ‘em go.”

“You’ll have to excuse him,” Maggie said. “He’s a good man. Been with the White House since Roosevelt.”

“FDR?” Michelle asked, in astonishment.

“No, Teddy,” Maggie said.

“Tell the pretty lady not to worry about getting a dog,” Frank yelled from the other room. “It’ll be no trouble. Heck, Teddy had a horse for his kids and they brought it into the house and took it upstairs. I could have used a king-size ‘pooper scooper.’”

Maggie escorted Michelle to the first family’s living room. “So, you’ll be bringing some of your own furniture?” she asked.

Michelle surveyed the room.

“I think we can put the big-screen television over there,” she said. “My husband likes to watch Wolf Blitzer on CNN.”

“Frank!” hollered Maggie. “We’re getting cable!”

“You mean we can watch Court TV?” asked Frank as he came into the living room.

“Not only that, but you won’t have to stand by the TV with that aluminum foil around the antenna,” Maggie said.

“I have a list of my family’s favorite foods,” said Michelle. “Would you give this to the cook?”

“Let me give you a little advice, Miss Michelle,” Maggie said. “From now on, you don’t have any favorite foods. You do remember that flap about the first George Bush and the broccoli?”

“Got it,” said Michelle just as Laura Bush entered the room.

“I hope you two have been getting on,” Laura said. “You did tell her about that banister, didn’t you?”

“Yes, Miss Laura,” Maggie said. “But I didn’t get around to telling her about the ghost in the Lincoln Bedroom.”

“It’ll be nice to have some kids in the White House,” yelled Frank from the other room. “I can watch Animal Planet with ‘em.”

Judy Spooner can be reached at editor@swcbulletin.com.

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