What if women played football?

Talk about it

Daughter Margie said women would never play football. “It’s a dumb game,” she said.

Agree or disagree some women, unless they share the love of the sport with males in their household, think football just messes up Sunday afternoon family time. Sexist or not, football games mean it’s time to hit the fabric store.

Like it or not, football season is underway in Minnesota. Professional teams are in camp and football practice at Park High School started this week.

Last week, the Cottage Grove Athletic Association in conjunction with the Park High School football team, held football camp in Wolfpack Stadium.

I noticed that the young boys tried very hard to emulate the high school players. When they are old enough, they all want to play for Park.

I’ve spent much time on the sidelines at Park football games taking pictures. The atmosphere is electric during a game as players follow the shouted instructions of their coaches. Chest thumping each other after a good play is a way of life.

Though I enjoy the game, especially played on the high school and college level, I’m convinced women will never lobby to play it because our brains are wired differently than men.

We make consensus decisions after everyone’s voice has been heard. Things move ahead when everyone, even if reluctantly, agrees on a plan of action.

“Women will never play football because the huddles between plays would take forever,” I said as I bought two T-shirts and a sweatshirt from Park High School Football Boosters. “All the girls would have to agree on a play.”

Boosters Mary Ressler, Amy Johnson, Trish Johnson and Laura Corrigan, who have sons playing football, were selling the shirts.

Without attributing what each woman said, as a group they had much funnier reasons than I have as to how women would change the game.

“Brianna, you look sad, what’s the matter?”

“I don’t like the end-around play.”

“Becky, you look like you agree.”

“Well, I’m frustrated with how the game is going.”

“If you have PMS, we all understand why you missed that tackle on the last play.”

“I know you’ll do better tomorrow, Becky. You’re so good at tackling.”

“I think we should go straight up the middle.”

“Good idea, everyone agree?”

After the successful touchdown, the huddle conversation, according to my new very-best friends, might go like this:

“Who wants to kick for the extra point? You don’t have to be a good kicker. If you try really hard, that’s all that matters. All you have to do is get the ball through the thingies over there.”

“Diane is really good at it, but it’s not her turn. She kicked last time. Kelly feels really left out because she’s never kicked for the extra point.”

Women are caring and supportive by nature but that doesn’t mean they lack aggression, my friends said.

“She said our team was (expletive deleted). She also said I was fat.”

“That’s it. She’s going down on the next play.”

“Charity, you go right. Brianna and Amy block the middle. I’ll pass to Diane. End Zone City.”

“They’ll never know what hit ‘em.”

Judy Spooner can be reached at editor@swcbulletin.com.

Tags: judyspooner, women, football